Day 2: Talk to your roommate about “rules of respect.” Your roommate, who most likely is a total stranger to you, is a very important person in your life. You may spend a lot of time with that person or you may not, but chances are, you each have your own ways in living together in a shared space and will intersect a lot. In an effort to be friends and get along, it appears easier not to talk about things rather than talking through “ground rules” for getting along and respecting one another’s space. It’s better to have a mutual understanding and respect about what is important to each of you upfront than to play the “suck it up silent treatment” which doesn’t really work, especially for things that cross the line with your values and self-respect. When a conflict arises, you can always point to the “rules of respect” that you both create rather than pointing at one another. Continue reading →

Swing-thought 1:  To overcome the fear of new: Get up on time. Go to class on time.  Do your work on time.  Go to bed on time.

While hurricane Irene has done its damage this past week and moved on, the inner hurricane of first time college students entering their new world has just begun.  A hurricane it is.  Consider the freshman from the University of Central Florida who died after attending a freshman party just three days after arriving at school.  Don’t think there’s not a spiritual warfare over your life! 

 For many students, the dominating emotion that overtakes you is overwhelm—getting used to a new surroundings, having the freedom to make one’s own decisions, seeking emotional connection in new friends, and feeling the fear of new, which can influence you to do things outside the norm, or just freeze, not knowing what to do.  

In golf, when you feel the pressure of the unknown or fear to hit a shot that you’re not used to, what creates a successful execution is your pre-shot routine. It’s a very specific routine you do regardless of the outward pressure to set up your shot.  Part of my routine is:  select your target, find my intermediary target, grip the club, set your club square to your target line, set your feet square to your club, look at the target, relax….and hit the ball!  My pre-shot routine is simple, clear, repeatable, and effective.  Reliance on the routine is what equips you to hit the shot despite the pressure. 

When you are in overwhelm your first week of college, choose a pre-shot routine and commit to it everyday.  I suggest you make it real simple:  get up on time. Go to class on time. Do your work on time.  Go to bed on time.  One swing-thought for each time-frame of your day:  morning, afternoon, evening, and bedtime. Believe me, you will be off to a good start and will be ahead of the game.  Creating this simple mental structure will eliminate your immediate feeling of overwhelm.

If it works for golf, it will work for you!

Veronica Karaman is the founder of True Champion Coaching and is available for academic coaching.

Here is an audio to empower you to go through finals.

Download the Master’s Way to Mastering Finals here.

Hello!  Thanks so much for visiting my blog.  If you happen to like the idea of white ball therapy or are interested in other kinds of coaching, please contact me at veronica@truechampioncoaching.com or 757-407-1907. You can also visit my website at: www.truechampioncoaching.com.  I am also available to speak at, coach, and consult your group, family, or organization.  I am looking for a beta group to test out my 9 hole relationship building course.  Please contact me if you would like to engage in an experiential learning coaching program focusing on building relationships using golf as an assessment tool.  Have a great day!  Veronica 

Have a great day!   Veronica

After my barking dog, Teddy-boy, prematurely ended my practice session at Old Chatum, I headed out towards the Duke University Golf Course to finish my practice session.  I needed to work on my 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, and 70 yard shots.  The course I am playing is 6,700 yards long, and there are several holes I can not get on in two. Maybel that will change with Dr. Coop’s coaching, but I wante to get the feel of those varying distances.  The only place I knew I could go is the very exclusive practice range used ONLY by the Duke University Golf Team.  Fortunately, the Duke Women’s Coach, Dan Brooks, was in.  He was very gracious to bestow on me “an hour of practice time” for my short game.  As a former Duke University golf team player, it was nice to know I still had some favor with the golf team department!  It just got through pouring down rain, and my barking dog at the prior range was now a wet dog in my car. I left the windows open for him, but realized I needed to take him with me to a very rarely seen place on earth:  the magnificently manicured practice area of the best women’s  golf team in the nation.  As Teddy-boy and I headed down the path to the elite practice field, we encountered a sign at the entrance:  “Practice like a champion.”  Good words!  What does a champion practice like?  With focus, fully present, with intent and purpose.  That I did, while my wet dog rolled around the green grass, and was quickly now becoming a green dog.  The low lying terrain was even more quickly becoming a sauna.  We were both sweating.  I walked around to the back of the range and filled up a cup of cold water.  I then proceeded over to my now green-tinted dog and poured the cold water over his head.  He tilted his head in bewilderment as I explained to him, “It is VERY hot out here, and this is the only way I know to cool you off.”  Tying him to a pole in the only shade I could find, I returned to my champion’s practice.  I had to wonder if champions took time out to care for their sweating dogs.  Every now and then I would turn around and laugh at the sight of my wet American Eskimo dog, sitting in the dirt right under the big sign that read “Duke University Golf Team!”  I’m not sure he was allowed to be there either, but I wasn’t going to leave my dog in the hot car.  It was so nice to be in a learning environment with all kinds of targets, pins, and nets to hit into.  These guys are serious!  I was even able to use their practice balls:  Titliest ProV’s.  WOW!  Only the best for the best.  After Teddy and I were both drenched in sweat, we headed up the hill to the car. I got in a good hour of practice after my great morning session. And my dog visited two very exclusive greens that very few people ever get to see.  Maybe I ought to write a book on Teddy’s Golf Adventures–or better yet, “Teddy Goes Golfing!”  I thought his quest was about me, but hey, maybe it is really about my jet-setting dog!

This morning I woke up with a lot of pain in my shoulders.  It was raining, and I was supposed to meet with Dr. Dick Coop, sports psychologist extraordinaire, and one of the first sports psychologists in the country.  I love him, even though he is a Tar Heel fan.  (Go Duke!)  I was so focused on my pain, that I didn’t know how in the world I was going to have the stamina to go the equivalent of 14 miles on Thursday, my big day.  Since it was raining, I knew we would not be able to hit balls.  “Just as well,” I thought.  “Since I most likely will withdraw, there’s no sense to getting his help now, although I would like to still visit with him.”  I took my trusted dog, Teddy-boy, and headed out in the rain to Old Chatum, a very exclusive club in Chapel Hill where they prefer “not to be known.”  It’s a really exclusive club, and a wonderful golf course.  You don’t see too many women there, but that’s okay.  I’m sure you don’t see too many dogs, either, but I had to take him with me because I was going to be out for the day.  It was so great to have my annual mental game training with Dr. Coop, whom I have known since college days.  We spoke for an hour about my life, with my tearing up every now and then.  In this past season I am emerging out of, my heart has bounced around a lot.  We spoke about where I was at now, and what would be a healthy and healing route for me. When we were done, we walked outside to some sun peaking through the clouds.  “I have about 30 minutes before I have to leave. Let’s head to the driving range, and get you ready for your U.S. Open Qualifier.”  My heart leaped with hope.  Dr. Coop immediately started his wizardry on my head and swing:

“Motion creates motion.  It’s hard to create motion from a static position, so let’s stop thinking about your swing mechanic you are working on changing.  Place the clubhead about a foot ahead of your ball. Start your swing there–so you are starting your backswing from a place of motion.  After some swings, he continued, “Now, swing through to your finish and hold the perfect finish for about 5 seconds.  This will get you focused on your finish rather than your backswing.”  WACK!  SWOOSH!  SMACK!  I started to hit the ball great.  “Wow, Dr. Coop, you cleared my head in just a few minutes. It’s so great to move from thinking about creating the perfect swing, to just swinging perfectly!  It’s so much more fun to get your head in the game of playing.  “Now let’s do this,” he continued speaking as he speared a shaft into the ground about 6 feet in front of me. “Align yourself up to this shaft and hit the ball to the right of the shaft.   This will help create the right ball flight.”  I listened and then hit.  “Great shot, Veronica!  That had some really good speed on it.”  I got excited.  It was so great to just start swinging the club, creating speed and making a solid hit from a cleared mind.  I hit ball after ball, and felt great to have my head finally in a position to play.  He truly was a master at helping me to switch gears.  After about 30 minutes, he needed to go.  “Dr. Coop, that was fanstastic.  What do I owe you?”  “Just eternal gratitude!”  I went on.  “That was such a great lesson.  We worked on swing path and didn’t even talk about it.”  He replied, “The best lessons are non-verbal.  Athletes learn best by feel. That’s you!”  After he left, I hit balls at Old Chatam for a while, with Teddy-boy watching intently in the trees located just before the range. I am sure these “old chatum boys” never had a golf enthusiast dog at their course. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to have him there, but it was just too hot and humid to keep him sequestered in the car.  He was a good boy until this big guy walked down to the range to hit some balls, and walked right by him. “Raw-oofff!  Ruff!”  He just had to go into protect mode.  “Shhhh Teddy!  We’re at the driving range!”  We had just awakened the entire range of Old Chatum golfers, some of whom I’m sure were old stuffy golfers, who were getting ready to play in the First Tee event, to the barking canine at the other end of the range.  My practice session was over!  We had an awesome time–and in the midst of my wanting to withdraw from the tournament, God sent me Dr. Coop to get my head back in the game.  Someone once said that if you don’t direct your mind toward a target, it will naturally gravitate toward the negative. That was my plight the last week, and I am so glad my friend, Dr. Coop came along at the right time, along with my friend, Ova Jean, to bless me with true encouragement.  I am realizing that I dont’ have to have it all together in and of myself. When I let go and open up to receive from others, they do appear!

This past week has been an amazing journey running the gammit from wanting to quit to getting excited to play.  I have had a lot of setbacks, mainly my health, which has made me question my readiness of preparation for a really grueling day ahead of me.  I was so fatigued this past week, and then on top of that, my past shoulder injuries re-emerged from hitting a lot of golf balls.  My muscles were so tight, they began to cement together.  Just when I lost all of my own strength, God sent real encouragement to me.  A friend gifted me to go to Pinehurst Resort for a massage and day of rejuvination.  WOW!  If you ever want to go somewhere where it feels like you’re a thousand miles away, the Pinehurst Spa is it!  It’s amazing what comes to you in a place of stillness and renewal.  Let’s face it. There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING feminine about golf.  It pulls at all the masculine energy at me, and leaves me life-less.  But the moment I got in touch with the real me–not the golfer, but the woman, I felt fresh strength re-emerge.  Sometimes we do things from the edge of who we are.  Going to the spa helped me to re-discover my sweetspot–the feminine side of me. It was so great to just be still, let go, enjoy the jetting water against my sore back–and then some deep tissue work.  Yikes, it was painful at first, but felt so great to get some of that stress out of me.  I spent 6 hours there and will return again, hopefully soon.  What do you do when you need recovery?  I mean recovery that sends energy to you?  I think we all need some more “time outs” for renewal to handle the stress of our times.  But just when I thought all was well, I had another setback.

I have had an amazing week that has started with discouragement and ended in a great shot of empowerment.  When I realized that my true move was going to be more of a long term fix than a short term fix, I lost a lot of my confidence.  I didn’t think that this could actually happen.  Then while praying with a friend of mine, a certain Scripture came to her mind:  Hebrews 10:35–which speaks about not flinging away your confidence which has a great compensation of reward.  This Scripture really spoke to my heart because I saw that in the place of my physical weak point of my swing, I had to go “to a different place” in my thoughts. Instead of giving up, I had to place my faith in God.  In the cavity of my need, I could give up or look to God, and I decided to trust God with a living faith in Him.  And guess what?  He showed up!

Yesterday I played a practice round with Alan, who is going to be my caddy for the event. I met Alan on the golf course while playing through a group.  In just a few minutes of chit chat,  I asked if he knew anyone from the club who could caddy for me.  Much to my surprise, he offered to do so.  Little did I know that he was a champion  golfer himself, and knew the course better than anybody’s business. 

When I played golf with him yesterday, he was so totally positive, competent, motivating, and helpful, that I knew I was sent a real master to help me.  We even worked out a swingthought for my swing to work much better on the course.  I experienced the power of partnership just the way I did with the caddy that empowered me to qualify for the last U.S. Open I played in.  My special caddy and the shot of confidence he gave me was a direct result of the force of my faith in God to put His strength in my weakness.  All I need to do now is work on my driver and fairway woods, and practice my short game like crazy–and I will indeed have a real shot at this!

I’ve been thinking.  My whole U.S. Open Quest really isn’t about golf.  It’s not about getting back in the game again as much as it is getting back into life again.  Focusing on a sports target has helped me move forward with my life more than anything else–more than encouragement from friends, more than paying  someone to coach me, more than hoping, dreaming, wishing, more than crying, despairing, depressing myself; more than going to church.  Yep.  It’s true.  What picking a target and taking inspired imperfect action has done for me is to get the ball rolling in my life again.  Ten years ago I tried to qualify for the Open and spent six entire months preparing.  A sponsor covered all my expenses and I took dead aim on my goal. The only problem was, it was a results-oriented goal based on a one-day event.  When I didn’t make it, I crashed and burned.  I was so down that the only thing that inspired me was the devestation of 9-11 because I saw people rescuing people.  It has literally been ten years since I have picked up the pieces and gotten back in the game of my life again.  That’s a pitiful statement, but it’s true.  I believe I am not alone in that statement.  We allow a devastation to happen and then we dis-engage in life or work. We stay down for so long that inertia sets in and we might as well dig a hole and crawl in it, unless we take ACTION to re-engage. That is what I am doing.  All the prayer in the world will not replace taking inspired imperfect action.  I am learning that if you have a goal or objective that you have to keep your eyes on that goal and be resolute in it. At the same time, your goal can not be your god.  What is so marvelous about what I am going now is that when I am done with my time on the course, I am completely free to move onto another area of my life, and then I come back to golf when I am supposed to. Today, Sunday, I took the whole day off from golf as my sabbath.  I wrote, went to church, went out to lunch, did chores around the house, truly rested.  Well, for me this is a day of rest.  I want to keep God, God, and I want to pursue my goal from a place of wholeness, not performance orientation. Somehow in focusing on golf, it is causing my left-brain to engage again. It’s like I have put it on file for a long time.  It’s just getting plugged in again in an area I am well-familiar with, and the rest of me is responding.  When I sit down to do work, my mind is sharper, actually focused.  There are 67 girls who are trying to qualify for the most prestigious tournament in the world.  Three will make it.  I will be a very long shot if I make it, but if I don’t, I won’t bat an eye in sorrow.  I have already gained so much by doing my processes. I am beginning to believe in myself again, in God working sovereignly in my daily life, and in others. And if I do make it, I will shout it from the housetops, that God specializes in long shots!  Last night I was listening to Tony Campolo on The Hour of Power. He was talking about setbacks–but also about how the King Has One More Move.  When I lose my true move, I am going to put faith in the One who has One More Move.  It’s not over yet!  The King still has one more move!  I have been listening to some tapes by Gary Keesee on how to do business according to the principles of God’s Kingdom.  I have forgotten how I used to live by faith.  I have had so many setbacks that I lost my “operating faith” in God, in myself, and in others.  Not my salvivic faith, but my day to day faith.  Gary’s messages about creating wealth God’s way–how we have to have faith in Kingdom principles began to awaken my faith again.  My focus is not in my ability or lack of it, in my self-confidence or lack of it. My focus in on God’s operating principles and my putting them into action in my life.  It’s about faith.  I am feeling God’s strength beginning to pour into my weaknesses.  I will arise! I am arising!

Wow!  What a week it’s been.  When I started to add speed and the pressure of playing under some competition, I regressed back to my old move.  YIKES!  I lost all my confidence and motivation.  If I couldn’t hit the ball well and have a swing to work with, then how could I play?  My initial enthusiasm turned to mush once the wall of reality hit me hard. What I thought would be a short term fix is really a long term fix—and I have to play now!  I submitted my struggle/conflict to prayer.  And God answered, but not in the way I thought.  About a month ago, my accountant had told me about this gal named Isabelle, who was a business associate of his.  A real golf champion.  “Isabelle!”  I thought, “Beisiegal?  She was my best friend in golf when I played the mini-tour 10 years ago!  I haven’t spoken to her in years.”  I called her up to say hello. It was so great to speak to someone who has the same DNA as I do—someone who loves golf and deeply loves God.  “What are your strengths?”  She asked.  I told her:  I think well, putt well, chip well, have been working on my endurance, and my overall outlook is good.  “Well then,” she went on, “You have to see what you have lost in a redemptive light.  Jesus lost his life so we could gain life.  You have to turn your weaknesses over to God and let Him work His strength in them.”  Somehow she was always able to break through my mental barriers.  I wanted to quit because I had lost my true move for now—and have to face my weaknesses, which is my swing.  Now I had the choice of truly trusting God or not.  I chose to trust, even though I didn’t have the answer for regaining confidence in a faulty swing.  A few days later my friend, Kim, also a professional golfer, called me.  “Hey, Veronica. I heard you were playing in the Open Qualifier.  I don’t like that course. It’s long and boring.”  She went on to rag on all the negatives about the qualifying tournament.  I agreed with her, and when I hung up the phone a bolt of lightnigh lit up my mental sky.  In other words, I had a little talk with myself.  “Veronica, you made a commitment to this tournament. It wasn’t about how great your swing was or how much you liked the course or the yardage.  It was about engaging your heart in the process of preparing for a championship again.  That was the goal.  If you stay negative and quit now, you’ve failed to reach your goal.  Besides, if you are so caught up on a perfect swing, you can’t get your head or heart in the game.  You have to get your head and heart back in the game–regardless of the conditions and challenges.  All of a sudden, I realized that the real victory was in clearing a path from all the mental obstacles standing in my way:  a 6700 yard course–the longest I’ve ever played in my life, a faulty swing, a course I don’t like.  All of those things DON’T MATTER.  What matters is getting my whole heart in the game and staying true to my processes of preparation!  It was like I took a big mental broom and “SWOOSH” —dusted away every mental barrier standing in the way of my goal.  That alone was a major conquest.  Literally.  I felt like I took a major leap forward.  Then I had this leap of motivation to go play another practice round.  “I have to find MY swing for NOW.  Forget my future swing.  I can’t be about the perfect swing. I have to find my authentic swing. The one that works for me NOW.  While I played my round, I experimented with a couple different swing thoughts. I settled on working on shortening my backswing and creating more hinging at the wrists.  WACK!  All of a sudden my confidence was back. I started hitting it good again, and felt like I could repeat that swing.  I also learned the course at a deeper level.  This week I will work on MY swingthoughts again and see if I can re-produce them on the course. At least now I do have swingthoughts that can be executed on the course with speed and under some pressure.  I am so glad I spoke with Kim and Isabelle, had discernment, and saw God answer prayer–yep, even about my golf swing!