Wow!  What a week it’s been.  When I started to add speed and the pressure of playing under some competition, I regressed back to my old move.  YIKES!  I lost all my confidence and motivation.  If I couldn’t hit the ball well and have a swing to work with, then how could I play?  My initial enthusiasm turned to mush once the wall of reality hit me hard. What I thought would be a short term fix is really a long term fix—and I have to play now!  I submitted my struggle/conflict to prayer.  And God answered, but not in the way I thought.  About a month ago, my accountant had told me about this gal named Isabelle, who was a business associate of his.  A real golf champion.  “Isabelle!”  I thought, “Beisiegal?  She was my best friend in golf when I played the mini-tour 10 years ago!  I haven’t spoken to her in years.”  I called her up to say hello. It was so great to speak to someone who has the same DNA as I do—someone who loves golf and deeply loves God.  “What are your strengths?”  She asked.  I told her:  I think well, putt well, chip well, have been working on my endurance, and my overall outlook is good.  “Well then,” she went on, “You have to see what you have lost in a redemptive light.  Jesus lost his life so we could gain life.  You have to turn your weaknesses over to God and let Him work His strength in them.”  Somehow she was always able to break through my mental barriers.  I wanted to quit because I had lost my true move for now—and have to face my weaknesses, which is my swing.  Now I had the choice of truly trusting God or not.  I chose to trust, even though I didn’t have the answer for regaining confidence in a faulty swing.  A few days later my friend, Kim, also a professional golfer, called me.  “Hey, Veronica. I heard you were playing in the Open Qualifier.  I don’t like that course. It’s long and boring.”  She went on to rag on all the negatives about the qualifying tournament.  I agreed with her, and when I hung up the phone a bolt of lightnigh lit up my mental sky.  In other words, I had a little talk with myself.  “Veronica, you made a commitment to this tournament. It wasn’t about how great your swing was or how much you liked the course or the yardage.  It was about engaging your heart in the process of preparing for a championship again.  That was the goal.  If you stay negative and quit now, you’ve failed to reach your goal.  Besides, if you are so caught up on a perfect swing, you can’t get your head or heart in the game.  You have to get your head and heart back in the game–regardless of the conditions and challenges.  All of a sudden, I realized that the real victory was in clearing a path from all the mental obstacles standing in my way:  a 6700 yard course–the longest I’ve ever played in my life, a faulty swing, a course I don’t like.  All of those things DON’T MATTER.  What matters is getting my whole heart in the game and staying true to my processes of preparation!  It was like I took a big mental broom and “SWOOSH” —dusted away every mental barrier standing in the way of my goal.  That alone was a major conquest.  Literally.  I felt like I took a major leap forward.  Then I had this leap of motivation to go play another practice round.  “I have to find MY swing for NOW.  Forget my future swing.  I can’t be about the perfect swing. I have to find my authentic swing. The one that works for me NOW.  While I played my round, I experimented with a couple different swing thoughts. I settled on working on shortening my backswing and creating more hinging at the wrists.  WACK!  All of a sudden my confidence was back. I started hitting it good again, and felt like I could repeat that swing.  I also learned the course at a deeper level.  This week I will work on MY swingthoughts again and see if I can re-produce them on the course. At least now I do have swingthoughts that can be executed on the course with speed and under some pressure.  I am so glad I spoke with Kim and Isabelle, had discernment, and saw God answer prayer–yep, even about my golf swing!

Today I did something that I could not do last week.  Last week I could only walk nine holes of golf, and then I petered out, although I played 27 holes total in that particular day.  Today I play the golf course at Duke University, walked and carried my bag for 18 holes!  And then I walked for another hour when I got home!  That means I took a big leap forward in my progress of being able to walk 14 miles in one day, which is what I will have to do on June 3rd, for the Open Qualfier. 

The other cool thing that happened today is that I met some really neat guys, with whom I played the front nine.  They were from Travelers Rest, South Carolina:  David, Jay, Mikey, and Robbie.  They were at Duke to support their friend, Mikey, who has cancer and is here for treatment. I was so impressed with Mikey’s spirit.  You would never know he was battling with his own personal championship, so far more important than hitting a little white golf ball.  However, it just goes to show you how hitting a little white ball can really be “white ball therapy,”  giving you some fun in the sun, and a time out from “the battle.”  I must admit, I was inspired by Mikey’s spirit and the awesome support of his friends.  Life really is so much easier when we have the support we need at the level we need it at from others.

I think they all inspired me because on the first hole I hit a seven iron 3 feet from the pin and birdied the first hole!  Then I bogied the second–and proceeded to birdie the third hole, drilling in another putt from about 10 feet.  I shot 75–with 4 birdies.  It felt good to actually feel like an athlete out there. On the back nine, I hit a really good iron to a hole, and a group of guys who were driving by, stopped and clapped at my shot. That made me feel really good. It has been soooo long since I have felt like a professional golfer.  What was amazing about today was that I didn’t feel like I had a long layoff at all. 

I also realized the power of mastering your processes.  I have been diligent at hitting 50 GOOD  long shots, 50 GOOD short game shots, and 50 GOOD putts–GOOD is measured by a certain proximity to the hole, so it’s much more than just hitting that many shots–it’s hitting that many GOOD shots.  Today I chipped great, putted great, and hit a lot of good long shots.  I was able to do that because I have been focusing on mastering my processes.  My true move was not so good today because I was out playing, but it is coming along.  I just have to keep plugging.

Before Mikey left, I expressed my faith for God to heal him–please pray for his total healing.

I also realized today the power of drinking water.  I felt like I drank a whole ocean full of water because I am still nursing this kidney stone, and didn’t want to become dehydrated.  When I got home, I was amazed at how good I felt–didn’t have that weak, fainting feeling like I have had so many times before.  Guess I will have to continue my 10-12 glasses of water a day!  It made a very vigorous day seem much more doable than before.

I spent this past weekend in Pinehurst, where I took another lesson from Kelly, my swing coach.  Although I had wanted to make significant progress this past week, I was overcome by extreme fatigue. Not knowing if it was coming from my kidney stone or just a sudden leap in working out, I wasn’t able to practice as much as I wanted to.  I did make some good headway, and found out that I could make my “true move” in slow motion.  Although I was not able to add speed to it yet, I was pleased that my progress was real.  And I learned some additional insights about the nature of change.  “It’s looking good, Veronica,” Kelly said.  “What I am noticing is that when you make your old move, you are no longer hitting solid shots.  When you make your new move, you are rewarded.  It is so much easier for you to come back to the ball, and you hit it solid when you get in the right position at the top. You don’t even have to compensate, manipulate, or figure out how to uncompensate on the way down.  You just automatically swing right on the way down.  You know you are making good progress when you are no longer rewarded for your old move, and are rewarded for your new move–that way you will be motivated to keep making the new move.  Wow. There is a life-lesson in there.  How often do we know we need to make a change in our lives, but don’t because what we are doing is still rewarding us somehow. But when we are no longer rewarded for that unhealthy habit, thought or behavior, then we are convicted to make a change.  Being rewarded for your true move is much more exciting than all the effort and compensation it takes to make a move that is not truly rewarding.  Afterwards, I played 27 holes, totally fatigued, but somehow energized when my drive went about 30 yards farther than before.  Praise God!  I have one month until the Open Qualifier.  I have to start walking two hours a day to be able to walk 14 miles in one day.  Tomorrow I go to the doctor to find out what my “next move” is with my health.  I think about how my quest has been greatly challenged and somewhat hindered by my health condition, but I refuse to let it deter me.  I just have to use wisdom.

Have you ever wished for, prayed for, strived for, searched for something for 30 years–and then giving up hoping that it will come to pass?  And then it  comes to pass?  Well, that’s what happened to me TODAY!  I told God, “Listen, if going for this U.S. Open Qualifying is Your idea, and I believe it is, then I am not going to go into it with my delibitated swing.  No way.  Too much torture.  Either give me my new move today, which means a real solution to hitting it over the top, and destroying  my power and consistency, or I am not doing this.”  Something in my soul simply closed the door shut to the repeating of an old reality.  I needed a new swing—and I needed my swing coach, Kelly at Pinehurst Resort, to come up with a miracle. 

I did ask God in prayer whom I should see for a golf lesson.  That was a prayer item I never brought to prayer before.  Out of the blue, I heard Him say, “Kelly at the Resort.”  So I called him up.  He gave me a good lesson last week, but I couldn’t feel what the right move was.  On the drive down from Cary to Pinehurst, I called my friend Barbara to see how she was doing.  “Barbara, I need a miracle in my swing today.”  She got right down to praying and declaring my breakthrough would come today.

I arrived at the golf course expectant and straight forward with my coach.  “Kelly, I am really needing your help for a breakthrough in my swing–and I need it today.  God sent me to you and I believe you have an answer for me.”  He quickly responded, “If you want to fix that move, then you have to get your club pointing in the opposiste direction at the top of the swing.  You have to feel like you are laying the club off–and make it as exaggerated as you can.”

We got right into the move of it.  “This feels twisted,” I said as I placed my hands in the opposite direction on the backswing.  “No,” Kelly replied, “What you were doing was twisted.  This is untwisted.”  Isn’t it interesting how we can do something wrong for so long that when we finally get it right that it feels wrong.  He went on, “You have got to stop relying on feeling.  Just go to this position.”  I hit some balls and then bam!  I got one right and it it solid.  “Wow!” Kelly exclaimed.  “I can’t believe you got it that quick—in terms of being able to make that laid off move and hit it solid.  I’m impressed!”  Let’s take a look at the video.  We went inside where he compared my false move with my true move.  “That’s amazing!” Kelly exclaimed.  “Your club moved 55 degrees in the other direction!  You got to the ball 7  frames sooner in the new move.  Think of how much more speed you have now that you don’t have to fix anything on the way down!  We were both thrilled–I got my breakthrough!

I left the golf course with true hope.  I know I will have a real challenge ahead of me when I apply my new move under pressure on the golf course, but for now, I know I HAVE a new move, know how to create it–and I have a good coach to help me reinforce my miracle breakthrough!

For the last few months I have been teeter-tottering about making a personal comeback in my golf.  The Women’s U.S. Open this year is at Oakmont Country Club, where I grew up playing in the Pittsburgh area.  I have made several starts at entering into my personal championship which includes practice, working out, and officially entering the championship.  However, when I encountered some setbacks, like the frustrations of a chronic defect in my swing, and a kidney stone attack which sent me sailing into the emergency room last week in excruciating pain, I pulled back.  I even started to hide behind my health condition, which is an easy thing to do.  But what blasted me out of my excuses and half-hearted engagement is my friend Jon, and former coach, who called me today on his way to a tournament.

“I was driving down I95 and passed your area on the way.  How are you doing?” Jon asked.  “Jon, my swing sucks and I have no energy as I struggle with a kidney stone.”  Having known me for about 10 years now, Jon knew just how to blast me out of my wrong-focus.  “Veronica, you have to do this not based on results, but on the process.  Your focus is to engage your heart in the process of preparing for a championship again.” Jon was my coach the last time I made an all out attempt to do someothing great with my golf. I failed in my attempt.  He went on, “The only way to move past a failure in a championship quest is to enter another championship. Your focus has to be the process this time. Your goal for your swing is simply to make progress.”  He was right. I thought about my life, how I have been living far below my highest and best–wandering around without a clear focus for far too long.  Jon, whom I affectionately called “the Drill Sergeant” knew just how to slap me upside my head in love and pull me out of the quagmire living–and smash the mental stone in my head, which has been far more painful than my kidney stone, although that may be hard to believe.

“Okay, I’m in, Jon.  What do you want me to do, Coach?”  He was quick to give me my first marching orders, “Five hours of cardio this week. Each time add at least a minute to your workout.  Practice each day on the three key elements to your play:  putting, short game, and long game.  Write down everything you eat.  That’s for starters. I’ll call you Sunday for a report.”

So today marks my re-start.  I repented for hiding behind my kidney stone problem, put on my running shoes, headed out after the rain, and did 60 minutes with my faithful exercise partner, my dog, Teddy-boy.  I felt fresh strength, and thanked God for the power of a coach to awaken the champion in me again.