The person you listen to is the most important person in your life. When you first go off to college you probably aren’t thinking about this truth. Your mind is filled with getting to class on time, finding your classes, getting used to your roommate, wondering what to do with some homesick pains, and who your new friends will be. When I first went off to Duke, I only had one friend whom I knew that went there. His advice to me was, “Just get by your first semester. Don’t worry about doing your best—just do what you need to do to get by.” I listened to him. As a result, my normal “A” grade performance slid downhill. I substituted mediocrity for excellence and I suffered. My grades went downhill and so did my expectations of myself for the next two years. Yep. Two years. Continue reading →

Day 2: Talk to your roommate about “rules of respect.” Your roommate, who most likely is a total stranger to you, is a very important person in your life. You may spend a lot of time with that person or you may not, but chances are, you each have your own ways in living together in a shared space and will intersect a lot. In an effort to be friends and get along, it appears easier not to talk about things rather than talking through “ground rules” for getting along and respecting one another’s space. It’s better to have a mutual understanding and respect about what is important to each of you upfront than to play the “suck it up silent treatment” which doesn’t really work, especially for things that cross the line with your values and self-respect. When a conflict arises, you can always point to the “rules of respect” that you both create rather than pointing at one another. Continue reading →